The divorce process is challenging for any party involved, either the dad, the mom, or the kids. There’s nobody that finds it easy. As a mom, it particularly becomes even more intense as you may need to protect your children from the effects of the divorce.
Here are tips and advice you can use as you walk your way through a divorce:
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1. Get Empowered
One of the most important things to do during a divorce is to empower yourself from one mom to another. You can do this by educating yourself adequately on the processes and procedures of the divorce and the implication it’ll have on your finances.
It’s important to get familiar with some legal terms and terminologies to help you have sound communication and informed negotiation. Ensure you get professional advice on the divorce process from experienced family lawyers to determine appropriate child support payment and the fair amount of alimony to be received.
2. Be Sensitive To Your Children’s Questions
Your children are watching and will have a lot of questions in their minds. These may sound pestering to you, but they’re mainly to ensure their security. Some of the questions they’d ask will revolve around their dad and why he stopped coming home.
Be sensitive enough to answer their questions kindly. You can reassure them that he’s doing fine, and you won’t mind answering any questions they have about him directly. Be sure to inform the dad so he’d be prepared for the questions. You can also assure the children of the continued presence of their father in their lives.
If you have a toddler or tween children, ensure that you’re consistent with their visiting days. While your teenagers may not be too much concerned with the visiting hours, they want to be sure the divorce won’t mean the end of college, school trips, and proms for them. So, be kind enough to reassure them.
3. Take Time To Relax Yourself
Going through the process of divorce will weigh on your emotions and probably affect you psychologically. The stress of having a divided home, the hours spent at the lawyer’s office solidifying agreement, the stress of taking care of the home and even your kids alone and yet still being strong for the sake of your children is all going to take a toll on your emotions and psyche.
At the point where you feel overwhelmed with all the processes, it’ll be a great option to de-stress. You can take time out to do your favorite activity to rejuvenate yourself. This could range from something simple like having a long warm bath, eating your favorite snack, taking time off work to sleep for a long time, or spending a day at the spa, among others. Whatever you do, ensure that you’re able to relax both your body and mind.
4. Don’t Be Too Close With Your Ex-Husband
Facing divorce hurts, and you’ll probably miss your husband, especially if you’ve been married for a long time. While it’s fine to miss him and even grieve his absence, it won’t do you any good if you keep hanging around him or allowing him some sneak peek into your life.
If the divorce process is final, it’s time to have a clean break. Pull yourself together and know that the chapter is done in your life. However, distancing yourself from your ex-husband doesn’t mean you’ll distance the kids too or turn your husband into an enemy.
Allow the kids to spend as much time with their father as they want within the stipulations of the custody agreement you signed. You can use your children’s daddy time to take good care of yourself without feeling guilty.
5. Let Go Of What You Can’t Control
At this stage, you’ll discover you have an urge to have everything under your authority. However, you have to be smart to know that you can’t control everything. Some things are beyond you, like what your children do while they’re at their dad’s place.
Let your mind off the things you can’t control while focusing on what you can and doing your best with it. Focusing on the things within your grasp will give you peace of mind while preserving your strength for useful things.
6. Be Comfortable With Being Alone
This may not be easy at first, as it’s normal to fidget and be restless. If you and your husband have developed a set of routines like watching the TV together at night when the going was good before the divorce, you may find yourself lonely at such times.
However, your brain and body will adjust to it with time. As soon as you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll discover interesting and profitable activities you can do during those times.
7. Don’t Jump Into The Dating Game Immediately
One of the perks of divorce is the freedom that comes with it. You suddenly discover you have a lot of time for yourself and your kids. One of the temptations that come with so much time and freedom is to get right into dating. After all, it doesn’t hurt to feel loved again.
While dating again after a divorce isn’t a bad idea, it’s always better to give yourself time to heal properly and get your emotions in order before starting the dating game again. This will help you date for the right reasons and command the respect and dignity you deserve from men. You’ll also have enough time to bond, heal, and grow with your kids while you prepare them ahead for your dating possibilities.
Walking through a divorce could be one of the most heartbreaking moments you may experience in your life, but you have to be strong—for yourself and your kids. Following the aforementioned tips and advice could guarantee peace of mind for you and help your kids through the divorce process. Whatever you do, don’t forget to laugh and enjoy the goodness around you. Consider the advice mentioned here as you navigate through your divorce.
Featured Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash