The following is a guest post from Selena Moffitt from 1 Mom’s Mission:
I want to be like Her.
You know…the woman that has it all together. The woman who does everything perfectly and makes it look effortless.
Do you know who I’m talking about?
She always looks great, she’s great with her kids, she never seems to yell, she never breaks a sweat, she has the best parties, she always brings something to share at gatherings, and she’s always smiling. Everything is just great. And it is sincere. You believe it and wonder…how does she do it? ‘She’s got x amount of kids and she can do it all. I can’t even handle half that much much with only x kids.’
We are envious. We feel bad about ourselves. How do we become her! What is her secret?
What’s the Secret?
Maybe there is no secret. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe she does yell at her kids and gets frustrated like we do. Maybe her laundry room is a disaster while the rest of her house is tidy. Maybe she has a house cleaner. Maybe this, maybe that…truth is, we may never really know.
In fact, when I found out that my “perfect” friend was a wreck when no one was looking, I was secretly relieved. Does that sound awful? It’s the truth.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Why aren’t we content with the self and life that God handed to us? It may be more about the day-to-day crazy that drags us down and makes us wonder if we are capable of ever feeling caught up, filled up, and dressed up again.
We struggle with our own nuances and hope to find answers by seeking others. Others whom we strive to be like and others whom we can relate. But all the “perfection” we see comes at a price, or at least some very good planning. Most likely, it is all an act! An act of knowing what she wants to get done, and letting everything else go. Kind of sounds like prioritizing doesn’t it? Interesting.
You will be relieved to know, it’s possible to have someone think the same about you. In fact, I bet there is someone out there who wonders how YOU do it all! I know I was shocked that people thought I had it all together. They obviously caught me on my good behavior. **WINK**
Who is the “Judge”?
We have to realize that the only ones judging us and our talents (or lack of), are ourselves. We may feel overwhelmed and out of balance and want so much to fix it that we beat ourselves up when perfection is not met. That cycle of thought and self-bashing does nothing but overwhelm us and keep us down.
Are You Overwhelmed?
I have good and bad days. I took time off of blogging because I was having many more bad days than good. When we feel overwhelmed it can get the best of us in many areas:
1. We become cranky with ourselves, our spouses, and our kids. Amazingly, we seem to be just peachy to everyone else around us. We always let the people we love see us at our worst.
2. We eat poorly, or not at all…depending on how we handle stress. I eat. I eat a lot! I eat a lot of totally random food that I KNOW will have a negative impact on me the next day. And when I’m really frazzled I don’t care!
3. We stay up too late trying to get it all done. This keeps our bodies from repairing damage while we sleep. Stress affects our bodies in so many ways. Sleep is critical for our health.
4. We fuel ourselves with caffeine to do it all. Ride the caffeine wave: high, low, high, low…another cycle that takes its toll on our bodies.
5. We wonder how in the world anyone else can do it.
6. We put ourselves at the bottom of the care list as we try to be supermom and superwife.
7. We collapse in a heap of tears.
Does this sound like you?
It’s okay. It’s normal. We are hormonal and emotional beings who feel the need to nourish everyone around us. We need to take a step back and look at what is really going on.
1. What need am I not fulfilling today?
2. Why do I feel I should be like her?
3. What am I doing that is good for myself right now?
4. What is the number one concern I have right now?
5. What one thing could I take off my plate?
6. Who can I enlist for help?
Answer those questions. You may be surprised what they unleash.
Give yourself some perspective on the feelings you may be having. Maybe your number one concern isn’t REALLY the dishes in the sink, but the family member with a health problem that you feel helpless about. Maybe you haven’t fulfilled the need to have a moment of quiet today. Maybe you feel if you could be like her, all your troubles would go away.
How can you fix it?
Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this dilemma. I know what works for me: time in the Word and time with my Health Coach. Talking to someone who is trained to help reorganize my jumbled up thoughts and feelings has been amazing for me. I always learn something new about myself and hold the spotlight on what is really going on.
This experience has been so incredible that I am now almost complete with my training as a Holistic Nutrition Counselor so I can help busy women regain energy and focus so they can ROCK Mom-hood while maintaining love for themselves on a daily basis. Sounds awesome, doesn’t it!
Have YOU ever wished to be “like her”?
|Selena is a mom on a mission to make our world a better place, one person at a time. Her blog 1momsmission, aims to motivate change, invigorate people, and radiate joy! She blogs about the craziness of Momhood and how small shifts in our day-to-day can make an impact on the world around us.|